first entry of the year...

I'm in the mist of a metamorphoses, i deleted my facebook (well deactivated it) and i don't know. My plan is to do this year a lot different and a little better than i did the one before. I know what i want, at the moment, and i know what i miss but I'm not going to allow those things that i miss to consume my life, again. I got myself an apartment and a new roommate and i hope it all goes well. I also want to do excellent in school (last semester was pretty tough). I added an extra year with plans on working on my writing. I'm excited! I'm heading back to Plattsburgh this Wednesday and I'm looking forward to it (yeah, i know..ha!).

I truly feel bad that I've been annoyed to the point where i have been snapping at my mother. I need to work on that. I have to accept the fact that i wont have the mother that i used to have before she got sick. She's emotional. I'm emotional. There's just too much emotions going around and it's really starting to take a toll on my well-being and i'm pretty sure on her's as well.

Another thing that i want to work on is, finding a job where i can save and be the adult that i should be (I'm 27 and not getting any younger). I pray that i find a job. That's my only fall back that I can think of, at the moment. I need money and lots of it or just enough to live comfortably. I also need to get back in shape and stay in shape...

And pretty much I'm going to take this year a lot slower so i can enjoy it a lot more......

Breakneck Speed

It's sad when you know that your roommate is avoiding you. But it's even worse when you don't know the reason. I shouldn't care so much but it just hurts to know that someone who sleeps so close could be so dangerous. I'm moving out in december and she probably wont know of this until that day.

I'm so over dorm life. I need to start my life. Find a job in the process so i'll be financially stable for awhile and able to save for the next adventure in life. I'm a little nervous. I don't have much saved up but i might have enough for a deposit if i decide not to go home for thanksgiving. I need a J-O-B, like fast!..

I can't wait to live on my own. It's about time, you know.

Her name is Jenn

So i have a new friend. I don't know what to make of her yet but i do know i sort of like her. We met at a mutal friend's place and then i ran in to her at the Koffee Kat today as we sat and talked awhile. I don't know man i like her. She seems like me a free spirit from Montana even thou i'm not from Montana but i am a free spirit.

She's a virgo. What is up with me and Virgos and she with Scorpios; she has many of them as friends. So we're going to hang out next wednesday night and i'm really looking forward to it. Once again I don't know but i really like her. Ha! yeah so i guess it's alright since i made a decision to stay here for another year... gives me sometime to get my shit togther....

On the other side....

Man, Johnny why did you have to leave so soon... i never got to say bye or ask how you were. It just breaks my heart to know that i won't be able to have that chance. I don't know how to take this, how to process it... it feels so unreal and i don't want to believe it... sorry... you didn't have to go out like that... i'm so angry! so very angry... you were an awesome person and i will never forget all the fun times we shared.... i can't believe that you've left us.. all the people you've touched in such a short time... rip friend... i'm going to miss knowing you're around... i love you old friend and i miss you already♥!..never forgotten always remembered♥!..r.i.p Johnny aka Puff♥!.....

Leech Mansion

It's really sad to hear that someone dies, especially way to young, and to find out that he was a fellow cyclists.

I wish i could have met you, everyone seems genuinely touched by you in such a short time. I guess we'll make it up when we meet again. Ride safe wherever you are, Bryan<3!

new years eve(l)

so once again i find myself engulfed in self pity it seems to sort of come off natural nowadays. What am i doing? i'm so baffled about everything i wish i could just run away just for a little while you know. Just to get out of my head........ i need to read something uplifting i've lost my mind.....

Storms...

So today will be another cut day for me... I don't know why i feel this way well i sort of know why because i also get this way when the weather changes. my moods are sort of connected, with its highs and lows and lows and even lower. I should at least go to French class today but I'm not motivated at all....

I'm a little sick and i guess drained out this is week two and i already feel like its the middle of the semester, i started out strong and took on so many things and i guess its safe to say that I'm not as young as i used to be.. i need to prioritize... I'm glad i was cut from the school's softball team... it demanded too much of me.....

I'll give myself today and yesterday but Monday i have to be well rested and back on that daily grind.. it's to early in the semester to have an episode........

"even soldiers catch their breath"......